Throw Me a Bone, Here

I plan to rise from the sunken city of R’Lyeh one day and wipe out all life on this planet. I expect some resistance, but right now I’m worried more about what the dolphins and elephants could do than I am about humans, particularly in the USA. How is it that the number of people seeking degrees in computer science has declined since 2000? I thought for sure there would have been a glut of people trying to get aboard the IT gravy train and that it would become an industry as staid and formalized as law or medicine or engineering.

Once upon a time, if a person could read a book, he could be a lawyer. If he could stand the sight of blood, he became a doctor. If he could use dynamite without blowing himself up, engineering beckoned. IT is as wide-open now as those professions once were.

Within three months of graduation from high school, an enterprising young American could go to a junior college and get an Oracle DBA certification. With around 3 years of experience, an Oracle DBA can expect to make as much money as it does to pay for a four-year degree. Those six classes at the junior college pay off in a big, big way.

But nobody’s taking those classes. Science and technical programs all over the USA are dominated by foreign students. The locals seem content to either enslave or be slaves, like the diminished Morlocks and Eloi of H.G. Wells’ imagination. Neither of those races would put up much resistance to my rule and, frankly, the Morlocks would dig my style as I slaughtered the Eloi for them. All I would have to do now is aim for the richest Americans and the rest would dance on their graves to whatever tunes I get the shoggoths to play. Then, I’d blow them all up without any further ado.

Bo-ring.

To the upcoming generation of Americans, please, I implore you, give me some kind of challenge worthy of my stature. I’d much prefer a bit of a competition before I wipe out humanity. There simply aren’t enough people with the skills necessary to mount anything like what a good defense would entail. The other Great Old Ones are watching: I won’t have any street cred if all I do is wipe out a puny race of humans. Now, the Primordial Ones… they could put up a stiff fight… so step it up, humanity. You don’t have that much time to get your act together.

Don’t Worry. Be Terrified.

Many people in the United States and European Union are concerned about their economies, and rightfully so. Many people in China have no clue about how bad their economy will be in a few months. Many people in Japan know their economy is in terrible shape and is one financial shock away from complete implosion.

To all this, I say: Don’t worry about the economy.

Wherever you live, the economy is not your #1 problem.

My imminent return from my strange slumber in Sunken R’lyeh is your #1 problem. Economic collapse won’t be the end of the world. My rise from the depths will be.

Happy Computing!

Cthulhu Jones
CEO, R’lyeh Consulting

(:=

Welcome to R’lyeh Consulting

The stars are right again, what can I say? It’ll be my pleasure to share my top tech insights with one and all. Heed my advice and I can promise that when I return to destroy the world in blood and horror, you’ll be among the last to die and you’ll meet with a swift annihilation to your soul. Ignore my advice, and woe shall betide you all your days, then you’ll die, and I’ll see to it that your death will be unpleasant, as well.

Happy computing!

Cthulhu Jones
CEO, R’lyeh Consulting
(:=

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